Q: What does "don't make me add another rule" mean?

A: The phrase "don't be the reason for a new rule" is common in the codes of conduct of Mastodon servers. It doesn't mean "if the server is inaccessible, you can't ask for rules requiring accommodations" or "if you asked a question that resulted in a new rule being added, that wasn't okay".

It means "don't cause problems that require me to add new rules to prevent behavior like yours".

It's in reference to people who do things that should normally be seen as common sense or adult maturity not to do. For example, the policy against political doomspiraling is influenced by people I've seen in servers who have done that kind of thing and caused problems because of it.

Q: Why do you discourage venting heavily yet still have vent channels?

A: Venting is something where, while I think it can cause problems if done in a certain way or to a certain extent, is still important for people to be able to do to some capacity. After having familiarized myself with what is and isn't considered reasonable in Discord servers, I think I can handle moderating some venting within what is reasonable, so long as there are disclaimers that excessive venting isn't to be encouraged.

Some environments that are very heavy on venting can become toxic due to people constantly airing their negative emotions and either never talking about positive ones, being very fragile in terms of their ability to express positive or neutral sentiments, and/or being next-to-impossible to help or calm down.

Furthermore, while it's important to have spaces where you can vent, it's also important to have spaces where you can socialize without venting, or without making venting a big part of your personality. Love Letter is meant to be the latter kind of place.

I also believe venting can be subjective. For example, when people ask questions like "how is everyone doing?" in general chat, my answer is sometimes something like "A little stressed from medical appointments". This is far from a traumadump or a doomspiral, and it is an honest answer to the question, but it could be considered a vent to an extent.

If I wanted to talk in more detail about the stress of my medical appointment, I believe I should be allowed to and not have to completely censor myself about my daily experiences that are less than stellar. It might be inappropriate of me if I started panicking in the vent channel about my upcoming appointments, or relayed my medical trauma in graphic detail, especially without spoilering it, but since I don't have a problem moderating others' comparatively mild or censored vents, I believe my server is a suitable space for some venting.

While not every server is required to allow this, I have found it helpful when the vent channels of a server allow for discussion of very heavy topics, such as sexual trauma. However, some users may not want to see these discussions. Therefore, there are separate channels for venting about heavy topics.

To me, the purpose of vent channels in a Discord server is to relegate heavier or less positive discussion to one place, so people who don't want to see it don't have to opt in to those channels. The purpose of vent channels is not to use them excessively or to foster an environment of negativity.

Q: Aren't your policies about accountability discriminatory towards people with BPD/DID/etc.?

A: Some systems or people with mental illness treat "system accountability" or "take responsibility for your mental health" as meaning "don't have amnesia or mental illness". This is not how I see it. I see it as meaning "learn to manage your amnesia or mental illness".

You are a person in this world who is either an adult or learning to be an adult, and if you're not an adult yet, you shouldn't be considering joining this server. Adults have to manage their lives, even if it's extremely difficult or even unfair (which "difficult" is not always the same as). This includes managing things caused by disability and trauma.

The results of disability and trauma are not your fault, but they are your responsibility, and I moderate my server by this principle. If you consider that harsh, then consider that life is harsh and adulthood is harsh, but yet we are adults who must rise to the occasion of this life, no matter the circumstances, and we are all the only ones responsible for ourselves in the end.

Q: What is shipcourse and "anti-anti", and why do you have problems with the whole thing?

A: Shipcourse is, in the simplest terms, a type of fandom discourse that originally was about whether or not it was acceptable to ship certain ships if they contained elements such as abuse or incest. People labeled themselves "anti-shippers" or "antis" if they opposed those ships.

It quickly turned into a politically-charged debate in which ships and shipping were seen as extensions for the entirety of fiction or even of free speech, and "proship" - the side in favor of the ships to which exception was taken - became the side of anti-censorship and anti-harassment views.

Anti-shippers are usually in favor of harassment, hostile to others and each other, given to self-policing, not okay with extreme horror themes or extreme kinks that my system enjoys, and generally unpleasant people, so I would be considered "anti-anti", which is synonymous with "proship".

However, many people who use the proship label have problems, such as not engaging with fiction outside of fandom media, actively eschewing critical thinking, and thinking literally everything in fiction is okay, including actual Nazi propaganda.

Furthermore, people on both sides have a bad habit of viewing "proship vs anti" as a binary that literally everyone fits into, with some going so far as to say "one of the only binaries that is actually true", with no hint of self-awareness. I do not align myself with this kind of thinking at all, and I therefore dislike that I find it necessary to use shipcourse labels to signal the stances by which I moderate my server.

If you identify as a proshipper, you are more than welcome to join the server, but if you're the kind of person who slots EVERYONE into proship or anti, you may clash a bit with the management's way of thinking. If you don't identify as a proshipper, you should understand that this server considers itself aligned with their beliefs, and if you don't like the "connotations" of a term like "profiction" (a common synonym for "proship"), you won't get along in this server.

While I don't personally have a problem with whatever types of fiction you consume, I restrict discussions on certain types of concent due to legal concerns, namely concerning underage characters. A lot of other types of dark fictional content, however, can be discussed in the server.

Q: What is transID and why do you have problems with it?

A: The most neutral way I can describe transID is that it's an identity community based around labels for people who want to transition to something other than gender.

While some of it is fine (e.g. "transaesthetic" people who want to present with a certain aesthetic but can't), some of it is more questionable (e.g. "transrace", including people who want to physically transition from white to Black) to downright dangerous (e.g. "transabuser", people who genuinely want to abuse others and some of whom plan to "transition" to this identity in real life).

This server considers itself anti-transID, and if you use transID terminology or consider yourself transID, you should either not join the server, or you should understand that the server expects you to use different language to describe your experience, and that it won't take kindly to necessarily everything you might want to transition to. While I understand this might seem like getting hung up over arbitrary terminology, I am firm about this because the transID community tends to have problems that contribute to an atmosphere that is uncomfortable at best and bigoted at worst, and I just don't want to be anywhere near it.

Q: What is desirdae and why are you okay with it?

A: Desirdae is an alternative identity label that is meant to describe people who desire or want to be something that they physically are not.

However, the term, in addition to not co-opting the "trans" prefix from the transgender community, is explicitly against transitioning in ways that would be considered harmful, and the community seems to consider it that, while identities that might be considered harmful (e.g. "desirabused", wishing you had been abused) are worth examining if you are truly experiencing them, they should be discussed with a degree of care and should not be seen as the same as things you can happily transition to with no problem, which is different than large swaths of the transID community.

Q: What is radqueer and why do you want nothing to do with it?

A: Radqueer is a term that has a lot of misinformation surrounding it and where aspects of the community has changed over time. However, it is a discourse-related term (which I already have issues with), and people who are radqueer believe that transIDs and paraphilias are queer and should be respected as queer identities by wider society, which I take issue with, even if I support anti-contact paraphiles.

Furthermore, the radqueer community is commonly associated with pro-contact stances for consent-related ("harmful") paraphilias - that is, believing it is okay for zoophiles to have sex with animals, or that it is okay for pedophiles to look at CSEM. While this is not an inherent part of radqueer ideology, it is/was believed by the founder of radqueer and by many early and current members of the community, and many radqueer beliefs (e.g. that pedophilia is a legitimate sexual orientation) naturally lend themselves to pro-contact beliefs, which is part of why I don't support it.

While I understand that some radqueers label themselves as anti-contact - that is, they do not support paraphiles acting on their attraction if it would hurt somebody in any way - I still disagree with them considering paraphilias and especially transIDs to be queer.

I would seriously not recommend radqueers join this server, and if I ever have to remove anybody from this server, I see radqueer-related conflicts as being a potential reason why.

Q: Why are JKR media and Nazi characters the only types of fiction I can't talk positively about?

A: I usually believe that, for every rule that is treated as hard and fast, there is always at least one exception.

Where it comes to the belief I hold that fiction is not a matter of morality, I believe supporting, in any sense, the works of a very rich and politically powerful individual who is using their wealth and fame to destroy transgender rights, who is still alive, and who is famous and influential in ways that very few individual creators are, is one of those exceptions.

I also believe talking positively about Nazis is another one of those exceptions. I also believe it would contribute to an unsafe atmosphere if Nazis were openly praised in the server, even fictional ones.

While there is some media I could ban because of themes that sympathize with Nazis or that contribute to real-life bigotry, I am choosing not to, because I really really don't like long blacklists, meaning I have to limit the blacklist to the worst of the worst of the worst, and I think most media that have themes compatible with fascism are not as egregious as what JKR is doing, nor as discomfort-inducing as directly praising a Nazi character. If you talk about media that isn't blacklisted but that still makes people rightfully uncomfortable and they don't want to be your friend as a result, that's on you.

If you have identities involving those types of media or characters, you are still allowed in the server, but you are required to follow the rules of the server and to be understanding of why your kintypes might make others uncomfortable and contribute to an unsafe atmosphere for the users of this server.

While the rule against discussion of these identities phrased in regards to positive discussion, I'd ideally like as little discussion as possible, including negative discussion, just because that kind of venting could get really uncomfortable and weird really quickly.

Q: Does this server see in-system relationships as real or fictional?

A: Many people online have constructed a binary of "fiction" and "reality". They believe everything in the entire world fits neatly into one of those two categories, and that those two categories are completely separate all the time.

This is not the way I see it, and you might take issue with me if you adhere too rigidly to this binary. While I don't think writing about committing a crime is the same thing as doing it in the real world, I do think that some things are in gray areas between fiction and reality.

Plurality and alterhumanity are in that gray area to me. While members of a system are real, they are not PHYSICALLY real in the same way that external people are, and their timelines did not happen in this life. They are therefore a different KIND of reality than outerworld reality. The same goes for the reality of somebody being their kintype.

This is the position that is taken by the server, and while you are allowed to agree to disagree, you have to at least understand how I see things, and you have to be okay with the fact that that's how I see them.

Q: Why are there so many roles concerning identity labels? This isn't a MOGAI or queer server.

A: The way I view identities such as gender and especially orientation, the primary "function" of these identities is in romantic or sexual relationships. While anyone of any gender can do anything, the connotations or "vibe" of someone doing something in a relationship may be different depending on the gender, e.g. how butch/femme relationships feel different than straight relationships.

Some people also consider their self-ships to be very separate from their real-life identity, e.g. a lesbian who self-ships with male characters, or a bisexual person who prefers a certain gender in fiction. Someone like that might want to have some way to signal "I'm a lesbian even though I talk about male characters all the time", or "I only have woman F/Os but I'm bisexual", and these roles will allow them to do so.

Some of the labels, like plurillean or sysian, have to do with in-system relationships, and since that's a big focus of the server, people might want to use those labels. This site has a glossary of the labels used in the roles so everyone can know what they mean, and maybe even find a word that they didn't know applied to them.

Not everyone in the server will care to share all their labels, and that's okay. It's not important to everybody, and it's okay if you don't want people to see your self-ships or relationships a certain way because of your gender. Don't ask people what their gender is if it's not genuinely relevant and they don't have it listed. However, for the people to whom it matters, it often matters a great deal, and a space like this is one of the most appropriate places to actively signal your identity.

A few of the identity roles aren't about queerness but other things, like alterhumanity and disability. These are relevant to the content of self-ships sometimes, and if someone talks about their F/O making accommodations for them, it means something different if they're disabled or not. While you don't have to disclose your disability status or anything like that in the server if you don't want to, and you shouldn't assume someone in the server isn't something because they didn't choose the role, it might be important to some people's self-ships.